19mar11
Conference South
Westleigh Park, Havant
att. 752
It’s been a topsy-turvy world of late. Performance wise we came into this weekend off the back of three dreadful wins and two encouraging defeats. Now though, finally, all the bits have come together; a win and, would you credit it, a good ‘un.
After bossing large parts of our match against high-flying Braintree at home last Monday, we were offered a lesson in gamesmanship and referee manipulation as our opponents expertly highlighted the abject lack of class that has flung them to the top of the table. However what showed at the end of the shenanigans was a 2-1 defeat for us and a forthcoming suspension for our first choice left back; Jon MacDonald having been tunnelled for exhaling air, with the reprehensible beastliness of forethought, in the direction of Cliff Akurang.
Yet, after two 2-1 defeats against the top two sides in 3 days, we were undeterred and apparently saved up to take it out once more against Bishop’s Stortford. Seemingly a 5-1 hammering at their place was not enough punishment for one season. Today we uncovered that cruel streak once more; an ability to properly kill teams off when they appear before us trembling and vulnerable, like a tethered goat in a tiger enclosure.
One thing we needed to be wary of was the fact that Bishop’s Stortford took on a new manager in midweek. However despite hovering just above the Conference South relegation zone they decided the man for the job was not a whiskey-nosed, been-there-done-that-at-this-level firefighter, but 39 year old former Spurs and England goalkeeper Ian Walker who appears to have as much experience of the non-League scene as I have of Berkshire schools netball.
Out he strolled in his freshly pressed suit. Very nice n’all, but this is more a club-tracksuits-with-shorts-when-the-weather-allows kinda environment, so even before kick-off he looked as out of place as an Amish elder wandering around the flat-screens in Dixons.
Above the suit was the hair; the lank, damp curtain look still in place after all these years. Clearly this is a man who likes to permanently appear as though he has just got out of the shower. So, the suit was surely a mistake. It would have been much more in keeping for him to appear in the dugout with just a towel wrapped round him.
There was to be no new-manager-bounce though as we exposed his new charges’ failings all too evidently. For large parts of the game it was as though we were playing against ten men such was the space left open for us to tinker with, but with a referee as unfussy as Oleksander Saliy on show, you’d pretty much have had to shoot both of his assistants and a passing steward to get sent off (there were no bookings until the 88th minute), so I can confirm the Bish were turned out with their full complement.
Little good it did them as we took the lead in the 17th minute, Guiseppe Sole opened the scoring crashing home Sammy Igoe’s knock-back pass. Five minutes before half-time, we got a real curiosity; the lesser-spotted Jake Newton goal. Certainly his first for us, they are as rare as a politician’s apology and he showed why, almost contriving to fall over the ball despite being two yards out with an open goal gaping. The Bish felt aggrieved that he had not been flagged offside but it had appeared that the ball had been tackled by defender Sanchez Ming away from Sole and into Jake’s path, so the officials were certainly unlikely to budge.
The idea that they might come out at us in the second half did not last long. Two minutes in, a goalmouth scramble saw the ball drop to Sammy Igoe who hammered through the bodies to put us three up. An ideal reward for Sammy’s best performance since joining us last summer then as he really has been showing his class in the last few weeks. You expect a certain extra ‘something’ when you sign a player with 538 appearances for Football League clubs, and in the last month that ‘something’ has certainly kicked in.
At 3-0 up it seemed we felt that our opponents were proving to be of no sport at all, so Ian Simpemba gifted them a goal to make things interesting. Clearly we were toying with them but less cat-and-mouse as cat-and-brittle-autumnal-leaf-that’s-blown-into-the-kitchen.
Further chances came with Sole bundling into the box and hitting the post, the rebound from which clipped the top of his forehead and hung in the air for ages before dropping against the join of bar and far-post and out to safety. It was another Sole header in a similar position that led to our fourth goal though as he cushioned down a cross for Wes Fogden to follow up clinically.
At this point, nigh on half an hour remained but no further goals were to come. Hopefully we were saving some for the further challenges that await us, with a trip to Thurrock on Tuesday next on the remaining agenda. Traditionally we do well there, but each season is a clean slate and we will need to keep up the performance level if we want to write “WE WON” in big chalky letters on this year’s slate.
Sunday, 20 March 2011
Sunday, 13 March 2011
Ebbsfleet United 2 Havant & Waterlooville 1
12mar11
Conference South
Stonebridge Road, Northfleet
att. 879
There’s been a lot of talk of belief lately. Three wins on the bounce will do that. However, the performances in those games, combined with a number of players being injured or ‘out of form’ and a stone cold bastard of a schedule means my rosey-lensed promotion spectacles remain in the cupboard for now, although happily my sturdy ‘it’s-raining-relegation’ umbrella is staying put with it.
Naturally, this defeat did nothing to change this state of affairs. In fairness it was a decent game of football (which has been a rare treat recently) with both teams missing a bag-load of chances but although it featured a more consistent 90 minutes from our boys than in those last three won games, there is no doubt in my mind that, here, the better team took the points. A strong backbone and tenacious spirit allowing flair to spark; this is what I would expect of a Liam Daish side when in good order.
Yet it certainly looked promising for us six minutes in as Wes Fogden, despite being about three feet shorter than his marker, climbed up to get sufficient headed purchase on a Steve Ramsay cross for the ball to bobble past Ebbsfleet keeper Preston Edwards.
The home side dominated the remainder of the half though, and had their equaliser twenty minutes later as a ball over the top of defence caught Ian Simpemba in the midst of the kind of U-turn you would usually associate with an articulated lorry trapped in a cul-de-sac. Calum Willock barrelled through to slot calmly past Nathan Ashmore.
In the second half, chances came at both ends but only one was to be converted. We certainly had three credible opportunities for which the finishing did not quite work out. Wes Fogden from the edge of the six yard box met a cracking cross a bit too heavily and the ball ballooned over the bar, whilst after coming on as sub Guiseppe Sole almost caught out keeper Edwards who had come out a long way but Gez’s long-range up-and-under attempt failed at the ‘under’ stage, dropping onto the roof of the net.
Former Portsmouth and Bournemouth man Sammy Igoe, and his between-the-wars coiffure, are starting to look much more comfortable down here in the tinpot leagues, yet he probably missed the best chance of the lot. Unmarked at the back post, Sammy met a cross with a header as thick as a remedial school rhino yet whilst this caused swelling, it was of our disbelief rather than the back of the net, the ball improbably crashing into the advertising boards.
On the hour, Ebbsfleet took the lead with a chance almost identical to the one Wes had hoofed over the bar for us, but Willock was able to keep his finish nice, tidy and netted. 2-1 and that was the way it was to remain.
Another setback then and given there are likely to be more here and there, I’d be astonished if we finished anywhere other than an unspectacular, mildly disappointing mid-table berth. We are currently 11th and have hovered around this general area for months, like a fly choosing its moment to settle on a stale dog log.
There are parallels with last season that we can make though. After this weekend in 2010, we had ten games still to play and were in 12th place. We would only lose the first of those ten games, winning seven, drawing two, scoring twenty-five goals and ending up 6th, just one point outside the play-offs.
As it stands we still have fourteen games to play this season and only five of those against teams currently in the top ten. Our striking heroes Manny Williams and Mustafa Tiryaki have blown cold far more often than hot in the last few months, but Guiseppe Sole has filled some of that void and winger Wes Fogden has top-scored thus far with 15 goals in all competitions, including the opener here.
So, perhaps I am wrong to be sad and weary, and believe that all hope is gone, especially with wins like last Mondays, helped by a man with near nothing on*.
*apologies to Adrian Mitchell
Conference South
Stonebridge Road, Northfleet
att. 879
There’s been a lot of talk of belief lately. Three wins on the bounce will do that. However, the performances in those games, combined with a number of players being injured or ‘out of form’ and a stone cold bastard of a schedule means my rosey-lensed promotion spectacles remain in the cupboard for now, although happily my sturdy ‘it’s-raining-relegation’ umbrella is staying put with it.
Naturally, this defeat did nothing to change this state of affairs. In fairness it was a decent game of football (which has been a rare treat recently) with both teams missing a bag-load of chances but although it featured a more consistent 90 minutes from our boys than in those last three won games, there is no doubt in my mind that, here, the better team took the points. A strong backbone and tenacious spirit allowing flair to spark; this is what I would expect of a Liam Daish side when in good order.
Yet it certainly looked promising for us six minutes in as Wes Fogden, despite being about three feet shorter than his marker, climbed up to get sufficient headed purchase on a Steve Ramsay cross for the ball to bobble past Ebbsfleet keeper Preston Edwards.
The home side dominated the remainder of the half though, and had their equaliser twenty minutes later as a ball over the top of defence caught Ian Simpemba in the midst of the kind of U-turn you would usually associate with an articulated lorry trapped in a cul-de-sac. Calum Willock barrelled through to slot calmly past Nathan Ashmore.
In the second half, chances came at both ends but only one was to be converted. We certainly had three credible opportunities for which the finishing did not quite work out. Wes Fogden from the edge of the six yard box met a cracking cross a bit too heavily and the ball ballooned over the bar, whilst after coming on as sub Guiseppe Sole almost caught out keeper Edwards who had come out a long way but Gez’s long-range up-and-under attempt failed at the ‘under’ stage, dropping onto the roof of the net.
Former Portsmouth and Bournemouth man Sammy Igoe, and his between-the-wars coiffure, are starting to look much more comfortable down here in the tinpot leagues, yet he probably missed the best chance of the lot. Unmarked at the back post, Sammy met a cross with a header as thick as a remedial school rhino yet whilst this caused swelling, it was of our disbelief rather than the back of the net, the ball improbably crashing into the advertising boards.
On the hour, Ebbsfleet took the lead with a chance almost identical to the one Wes had hoofed over the bar for us, but Willock was able to keep his finish nice, tidy and netted. 2-1 and that was the way it was to remain.
Another setback then and given there are likely to be more here and there, I’d be astonished if we finished anywhere other than an unspectacular, mildly disappointing mid-table berth. We are currently 11th and have hovered around this general area for months, like a fly choosing its moment to settle on a stale dog log.
There are parallels with last season that we can make though. After this weekend in 2010, we had ten games still to play and were in 12th place. We would only lose the first of those ten games, winning seven, drawing two, scoring twenty-five goals and ending up 6th, just one point outside the play-offs.
As it stands we still have fourteen games to play this season and only five of those against teams currently in the top ten. Our striking heroes Manny Williams and Mustafa Tiryaki have blown cold far more often than hot in the last few months, but Guiseppe Sole has filled some of that void and winger Wes Fogden has top-scored thus far with 15 goals in all competitions, including the opener here.
So, perhaps I am wrong to be sad and weary, and believe that all hope is gone, especially with wins like last Mondays, helped by a man with near nothing on*.
*apologies to Adrian Mitchell
Tuesday, 8 March 2011
Havant & Waterlooville 3 Dorchester Town 1
07mar11
Conference South
Westleigh Park, Havant
att. 458
For 45 minutes it was all rather familiar. As with our past two performances we put in a rather lacklustre shift for the first period. The only illumination during it was an absolute peach of an up-n’-under welt by Dorchester’s Steve Devlin after 9 minutes that beat Nathan Ashmore’s desperate salute skywards and clipped the underside of the bar before nestling, smugly, in the net.
Yet here we stand now the victors once again, as with our past two games. Although on this occasion I think we must acknowledge a rather significant assist.
Before all this though the second half got exciting for us, in the conventional sense, when Muzzy Tiryaki uncovered the Turkish delight that he’s been hiding behind a leaden pall over the winter months. Out on the wing he looked up and noticed Dorchester’s Dan Thomas leaving just a little too much room at his near post. Instantly he unleashed a characteristic lightning bolt that singed said post on its way past the keeper, who was clearly stunned and frightened by the knowledge that if he hadn’t left that gap, there might well now be a smouldering football-sized hole in his chest.
And then…well…then it all got a little weird.
We thought we’d seen it all back in January when we were allowed to walk one in by Boreham Wood. We hadn’t seen it all then. We might well have now though. All of a sudden a fairly run of the mill Conference South fixture, albeit blessed with two splendid, hang-em-in-the-Tate, goals, went a bit hat-stand; as eccentric as a naked, feral pensioner; as erratic as a sleep-deprived and hungry bear.
Bursting from the Gary MacDonald Toilets at the Bartons Road End came a man wearing only a lime-green man-kini, a wig and a grin. Hurdling the hoardings he proceeded to mince around the pitch to the general bemusement of all, evading the marauding stewards like a soapy chimp and attempting to give Muzzy’s aris a light spank.
Now, if you ask me, if you want to carry around three Tesco Value sprouts in an all-in-one papoose, then you should probably do it in the privacy of your own sex dungeon. Yet I’ve long been aware that I can’t carry off the ‘kini, so perhaps it’s just jealousy speaking.
Eventually Dorchester player-manager Ashley Vickers grew weary of this farce and went in at his prey like a cuckolded bride’s father attempting to restore his daughter’s dignity with knuckles. In a car park. Nothing has been lifted and spiked into a pitch quite so hard since Graeme Souness declared it flag day at Fenerbache.
By the letter of the law though, despite cleaning up a clear irritant, this was violent conduct and no amount of protest by both sets of players was going to change Vickers’ destiny. The benefits of this were two fold – ten men to play against plus the Dorchester player who had been undertaking the regular opposition tactic (i.e. wind-Muzzy-up-til-he-gets-himself-sent-off) had himself been removed.
By now Dorchester’s composure, both in terms of their players and their supporters, was utterly buried, possibly beneath a streaker-shaped divot in our turf. Not long after we had taken the lead with Wes Fogden following in a parried Steve Ramsay shot, Jake Smeeton went into Guiseppe Sole like a juggernaut through the central reservation, was told to depart, and after a linesman’s intervention, Kyle Critchell was also tunnelled for his part in the following melee.
With Dorchester now three men light it was quite simple to carve them open for the injury time Steve Ramsay goal that killed it. After the final whistle, a Dorchester player threw the ball at the ref as though trying to dislodge a coconut balanced on his head, but survived a red card simply because the man in black just clearly wanted to go home at this stage.
So, we’re not playing wonderfully but we’re winning. Three on the trot now and our tactics in future seem obvious.
If all else fails, bring Borat on for the last 15.
Conference South
Westleigh Park, Havant
att. 458
For 45 minutes it was all rather familiar. As with our past two performances we put in a rather lacklustre shift for the first period. The only illumination during it was an absolute peach of an up-n’-under welt by Dorchester’s Steve Devlin after 9 minutes that beat Nathan Ashmore’s desperate salute skywards and clipped the underside of the bar before nestling, smugly, in the net.
Yet here we stand now the victors once again, as with our past two games. Although on this occasion I think we must acknowledge a rather significant assist.
Before all this though the second half got exciting for us, in the conventional sense, when Muzzy Tiryaki uncovered the Turkish delight that he’s been hiding behind a leaden pall over the winter months. Out on the wing he looked up and noticed Dorchester’s Dan Thomas leaving just a little too much room at his near post. Instantly he unleashed a characteristic lightning bolt that singed said post on its way past the keeper, who was clearly stunned and frightened by the knowledge that if he hadn’t left that gap, there might well now be a smouldering football-sized hole in his chest.
And then…well…then it all got a little weird.
We thought we’d seen it all back in January when we were allowed to walk one in by Boreham Wood. We hadn’t seen it all then. We might well have now though. All of a sudden a fairly run of the mill Conference South fixture, albeit blessed with two splendid, hang-em-in-the-Tate, goals, went a bit hat-stand; as eccentric as a naked, feral pensioner; as erratic as a sleep-deprived and hungry bear.
Bursting from the Gary MacDonald Toilets at the Bartons Road End came a man wearing only a lime-green man-kini, a wig and a grin. Hurdling the hoardings he proceeded to mince around the pitch to the general bemusement of all, evading the marauding stewards like a soapy chimp and attempting to give Muzzy’s aris a light spank.
Now, if you ask me, if you want to carry around three Tesco Value sprouts in an all-in-one papoose, then you should probably do it in the privacy of your own sex dungeon. Yet I’ve long been aware that I can’t carry off the ‘kini, so perhaps it’s just jealousy speaking.
Eventually Dorchester player-manager Ashley Vickers grew weary of this farce and went in at his prey like a cuckolded bride’s father attempting to restore his daughter’s dignity with knuckles. In a car park. Nothing has been lifted and spiked into a pitch quite so hard since Graeme Souness declared it flag day at Fenerbache.
By the letter of the law though, despite cleaning up a clear irritant, this was violent conduct and no amount of protest by both sets of players was going to change Vickers’ destiny. The benefits of this were two fold – ten men to play against plus the Dorchester player who had been undertaking the regular opposition tactic (i.e. wind-Muzzy-up-til-he-gets-himself-sent-off) had himself been removed.
By now Dorchester’s composure, both in terms of their players and their supporters, was utterly buried, possibly beneath a streaker-shaped divot in our turf. Not long after we had taken the lead with Wes Fogden following in a parried Steve Ramsay shot, Jake Smeeton went into Guiseppe Sole like a juggernaut through the central reservation, was told to depart, and after a linesman’s intervention, Kyle Critchell was also tunnelled for his part in the following melee.
With Dorchester now three men light it was quite simple to carve them open for the injury time Steve Ramsay goal that killed it. After the final whistle, a Dorchester player threw the ball at the ref as though trying to dislodge a coconut balanced on his head, but survived a red card simply because the man in black just clearly wanted to go home at this stage.
So, we’re not playing wonderfully but we’re winning. Three on the trot now and our tactics in future seem obvious.
If all else fails, bring Borat on for the last 15.
Sunday, 6 March 2011
Havant & Waterlooville 2 Bromley 0
05mar11
Conference South
Westleigh Park, Havant
att. 508
Rejoice for it is that very rarest of things: a H&W home game actually going ahead as planned. Of late opposition supporters have taken to calling us Havant & Waterlogville, such has been the regularity of our home games being called off. In fairness, I’m quite sad I didn’t think of it first, and it’s much preferable to the long-term nom-de-contempt Havant A Clue-ville.
However given the problem relates to a collapsed drain beneath the pitch there’s pretty much nothing we can do until May, and even then it’s going to be an expensive old job, so you find us now praying each week that if there is rain it only occurs just after the final whistle of our midweek catch-up fixture and that we then have at least three days drying time before the Saturday. This week, we did, ergo football!
Well, I say football. There didn’t appear to be much going on from either side in the first half. However despite our half-time grumblings about how poor the 45 minutes had been, it was an accurate re-enactment of pretty much the entire 90 minutes we’d had to endure last Tuesday watching our mob play away at Maidenhead. Indeed when our man Trev came over the PA detailing a reminder that “the Hawks are at home again this coming Monday” it seemed more as a word of caution than a rallying cry.
Yet, despite our midweek dreadfulness, we won that game 1-0 with an 84th minute Wes Fogden goal so chunter we might but if wins (and clean sheets) keep coming then I’m sure we’d settle for that. However bigger tests are to come, especially as we’ve still yet to play league leaders Braintree both at home and away.
As such it was heartening that the second half saw a much improved performance and little in the way of trouble for our men at the back. Thankfully the scoreboard pressure (not that our scoreboard actually works) was relieved as early as the 49th minute. Wes Fogden did his usual trick of persuading a defender that he might like to foul him in the penalty area.
To take the spot-kick came Manny Williams, our on-his-day brilliant striker who has recently been forced to put up signs around Leigh Park asking if people could check their sheds and garages in case his mojo had taken to hiding in them. However he’s been pretty reliable from spot-kicks and he managed to send keeper Tom Lovelock the wrong way.
What followed was a succession of off-side flags as we mis-timed more efforts than an aging passer-by being asked to make-up-the-numbers with the bat for a village 4th XI.
With twenty minutes to go Sammy Igoe, currently sporting the Brylcreemed barnet of a 1940’s matinee idol, was brought on as a substitute, alongside Mustafa Tiryaki, replacing Ian Selley and Guiseppe Sole respectively. Possibly the most remarkable sight at our club at the moment is not our municipal allotment of a pitch, but Sammy’s parting, which is as severe as surgery yet as clean as an amicable divorce. Apparently, the left side of Sammy’s hair gets access to the nits on weekends, bank holidays and every second Wednesday.
Eleven minutes later the double substitution paid clear dividends with Igoe getting to the by-line and dollying a beautiful cross to the back post where Muzzy met the ball with a crisp header that bounced beneath the keeper and in.
As such a very comfortable home win was achieved and some more encouraging football after a poor run of performances. Given next weekend sees a very difficult double header of Gravesend & Northfleet away on Saturday and Braintree at home on the Monday, we’ll be wanting to keep the momentum going at home to Dorchester tomorrow.
Conference South
Westleigh Park, Havant
att. 508
Rejoice for it is that very rarest of things: a H&W home game actually going ahead as planned. Of late opposition supporters have taken to calling us Havant & Waterlogville, such has been the regularity of our home games being called off. In fairness, I’m quite sad I didn’t think of it first, and it’s much preferable to the long-term nom-de-contempt Havant A Clue-ville.
However given the problem relates to a collapsed drain beneath the pitch there’s pretty much nothing we can do until May, and even then it’s going to be an expensive old job, so you find us now praying each week that if there is rain it only occurs just after the final whistle of our midweek catch-up fixture and that we then have at least three days drying time before the Saturday. This week, we did, ergo football!
Well, I say football. There didn’t appear to be much going on from either side in the first half. However despite our half-time grumblings about how poor the 45 minutes had been, it was an accurate re-enactment of pretty much the entire 90 minutes we’d had to endure last Tuesday watching our mob play away at Maidenhead. Indeed when our man Trev came over the PA detailing a reminder that “the Hawks are at home again this coming Monday” it seemed more as a word of caution than a rallying cry.
Yet, despite our midweek dreadfulness, we won that game 1-0 with an 84th minute Wes Fogden goal so chunter we might but if wins (and clean sheets) keep coming then I’m sure we’d settle for that. However bigger tests are to come, especially as we’ve still yet to play league leaders Braintree both at home and away.
As such it was heartening that the second half saw a much improved performance and little in the way of trouble for our men at the back. Thankfully the scoreboard pressure (not that our scoreboard actually works) was relieved as early as the 49th minute. Wes Fogden did his usual trick of persuading a defender that he might like to foul him in the penalty area.
To take the spot-kick came Manny Williams, our on-his-day brilliant striker who has recently been forced to put up signs around Leigh Park asking if people could check their sheds and garages in case his mojo had taken to hiding in them. However he’s been pretty reliable from spot-kicks and he managed to send keeper Tom Lovelock the wrong way.
What followed was a succession of off-side flags as we mis-timed more efforts than an aging passer-by being asked to make-up-the-numbers with the bat for a village 4th XI.
With twenty minutes to go Sammy Igoe, currently sporting the Brylcreemed barnet of a 1940’s matinee idol, was brought on as a substitute, alongside Mustafa Tiryaki, replacing Ian Selley and Guiseppe Sole respectively. Possibly the most remarkable sight at our club at the moment is not our municipal allotment of a pitch, but Sammy’s parting, which is as severe as surgery yet as clean as an amicable divorce. Apparently, the left side of Sammy’s hair gets access to the nits on weekends, bank holidays and every second Wednesday.
Eleven minutes later the double substitution paid clear dividends with Igoe getting to the by-line and dollying a beautiful cross to the back post where Muzzy met the ball with a crisp header that bounced beneath the keeper and in.
As such a very comfortable home win was achieved and some more encouraging football after a poor run of performances. Given next weekend sees a very difficult double header of Gravesend & Northfleet away on Saturday and Braintree at home on the Monday, we’ll be wanting to keep the momentum going at home to Dorchester tomorrow.
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