Brackley Town 0 Havant & Waterlooville 2

28oct06
FA Cup 4th Qualifying Round
St. James Park, Brackley
att. 505

In the two weeks since the draw I was able to read fear between the lines of the majority of postings on the H&W web forum. Here we are, so close but, well, best not to say it out loud. I, however, reacted to seeing the words “Quorn or Brackley Town”, just beyond the ‘v’ to the left of our cumbersome longer-than-both-of-them-put-together handle, with instant excitement. I stayed largely in that giddy state, y’know stupidly, unnecessarily confident, ever since, through 12 days, and the long train journey from Liverpool to Banbury.

On the 500 bus though, crossing the M4 to Brackley itself, it hits. That doubt, the fizzing depth charge to the sea bed of your liquefying stomach. After three successive seasons, since our last 1st round appearance, of departing the competition early to lower league opposition, surely we wouldn’t choke again.

Like I’ve mentioned countless times on this site, we’ve made the first round twice and both times fate has held a thumb to its nose and wiggled its fingers as we’ve been drawn with Conference opposition. Not exactly the dream ticket when we might as easily have drawn them in the 4th qualifier. Indeed, the other two times we’ve come up to this last hurdle and not made it over, it has been due to a barrier put up by sides then plying their trade in the top echelon of this ‘ere non-league. First it was Hayes on penalties in ’98 and then, 3 years later, Barnet after a replay. Arguably we were unlucky to draw the first game, and it took the, I think, third fastest hat-trick in FA Cup history to barrel us out. After the first goal at Underhill, and a day-long session in the capital that took in several pubs as well as the London Eye, I was much in need of a urinal and thought his the ideal time. By the time I returned, 2 minutes later, we were 3-0 down. Sigh.

So what was I to make of this game, logically. Well, you can’t apply logic here, at this stage, pre-kick off. As an example, I described my brand new nervous symptoms to some of those amongst the impressive throng of Hawks in the Brackley bar. “Don’t talk about the game” yelped one of the more superstitious amongst our number in that ‘Oh you’ve ruined it now’ way that usually suggests someone’s Mum’s creative-spurt overspend at Hobbycraft has resulted in heavy floral stencilling inside their treehouse and a frilly lace surround for their Subbuteo mat. Logically, nothing I say or do will affect the outcome of a game but, clearly, all those rules go out of the window once you arrive at this point.

The first half didn’t really help as Brackley put up decent resistance to go with some laissez-faire finishing from our front men, not to mention the scares they caused us cuticle-nibbers behind the other goal – Craig Farley went far too close for Brackley early on. Also our defenders looked a little anxious, at one point shepherding the ball around the central edge of the penalty box like they were engaging it in a game of kabaddi. That allowed a Brackley midfielder to nip in and send it over the bar. Come half-time it was difficult to call. Sent a text to the absent Barry (well, he keeps me updated enough during the course of a season), his reply was simply a very tense “I’ll take 0-0 now”.

Adrian, with whom I queued at the tea-bar, began putting things together inside his youthful swede. It was fairly mild and quite overcast. The forecast we saw was for heavy rain. He pointed out a comparison. If it rained, here we were at a ground with no cover aside from the stand, and we were certain to be under the cosh of the elements, should they arrive. Just like Cirencester last year, and what happened then? Out the cup we went. I scrabbled for a minor statistic to compete. ‘You like omens, Adrian? Well, we’ve never lost to lower level opposition in the 4th qualifying round. How’d you like them omens?’ I said, or something like (not quite as derivative, probably).

The first 15 minutes of the second half once again saw Brackley taking the game to us, making light of our supposed two division seniority. It wasn’t until the 62nd minute that we could finally breathe a little easier, as Rocky Baptiste (no, nobody else scores our goals these days) completed a fine finish to a quality move. Not that we could rest on our laurels as not long after, Tom Winters tried his best to snap Shane Gore’s crossbar. “That’ll still be shaking at Christmas,” said one of our number, and I felt that I might well be doing the same. From thereon, things became a lot more relaxed as we put in the solid performance we were due and with a minute to go, le Rock (him again) made it safe.

So, there it was. A final whistle. A win. Bouncing I were, like a Hamleys pogo-stick demonstrator with an Elvis-like appetite for amphetamines. The lack of cover at St James Park to amplify our tunes meant I was also pretty hoarse, but, well, it was literally Showaddywaddy but figuratively theme from Flashdance on top of the grass bank as well as with them there down the bottom.

Sadly, I had not thought the next part through. The draws for all the qualifying rounds take place on a Monday lunchtime, so I’d not thought to allow for time to stick with my fellow fans, and the players, in Brackley’s bar to discover what fate lay in Sir Trev’s big sack a’balls. Took my radio on the bus back to Banbury railway station, but only the telly covered it live so I had to find out our opposition via a Barry-brand text message in the end.

“Home to Millwall,” it read.

So there it was. Finally. The league club we’ve been waiting for, and pretty much everything I’ve dreamed about since first I pushed through the WLP turnstiles knowing I was a fan, and not a daytripper; the 3rd time, I reckon. Yet I wasn’t feeling anything. At all.

Maybe it was the anti-climactic tension-less discovery; maybe it was the long day out, or maybe it’s because I once accompanied a mate to watch Millwall away, and had to endure a shower of beer bottles on the way back to the station from the kind people of Bermondsey. Whatever, this wasn’t the barely containable euphoria I’d been expecting.

I got a phone call from one of the Supporters Club coach party, who were buzzing as, apparently, were the players. Think my lack of whoopery may have killed my correspondant’s buzz for a moment [apologies]. As he said to me though, “this lot were finalists two years ago.” That’s the kind of logic that does work and you can’t argue with. Our gaffer has been quoted since as saying “I don’t think we could have got a better draw” and if there was any club in League One you might think susceptible to an upset away at a non-league side, well, you might possibly consider the ‘Wall. Well, you might…

Thing is, you’ve got to take into account my wretched brain. Took me a while to get to kip last night worrying. Not about hoolie action in the car park, or it being moved to Friday night so Sky can show it (meaning I could not go due to prior commitments). No, my brain doesn’t think about the possibility of winning, it fears the humiliation, of not being a great advert for the semi-pro game. ‘Dave’, says brain, ‘you can have your cake, and you can eat it, mate….Oh, but that’s on the understanding you wrestle, Olympic style, with these lost and irritable pack-wolves first’.

But that, I’m glad to say, was last night, and today, 24 hours after the biggest tombola prize we’ve ever plucked out, and that brain is finally kicking into the right frame of mind. It’s very simple really.

A fortnight’s time.

“Home to Millwall.”

It’s going to be BRILLIANT.

I should point out that I reserve the right to retrospectively edit this article. Well, all the capitalised words in it anyway.

Road to Wembley
F: Manchester United 0 Chelsea 1 aet (att. 89,826)
SF: Blackburn Rovers 1 Chelsea 2 aet (att. 50,559)
QFr: Tottenham Hotspur 1 Chelsea 2 (att. 35,519)
QF: Chelsea 3 Tottenham Hotspur 3 (att. 41,517)
5R: Fulham 0 Tottenham Hotspur 4 (att. 18,655)
4R: Fulham 3 Stoke City 0 (att. 11,059)
3R: Stoke City 2 Millwall 0 (att. 8,024)
2Rr: Millwall 1 Bradford City 0 a.e.t. (att. 3,220)
2R: Bradford City 0 Millwall 0 (att. 4,346)
1R: Havant & Waterlooville 1 Millwall 2 (att. 5,793) [HOBO]
4QR: Brackley Town 0 Havant & Waterlooville 2

for H&W's progress, see here

3QRr: Brackley Town 2 Quorn 1 (att. 230)
3QR: Quorn 0 Brackley Town 0 (att. 300)
2QR: Braintree Town 0 Brackley Town 2 (att. 365)
1QR: Tiptree Town 0 Brackley 4 (att. 86)
PRr: Brackley Town 4 St Neots Town 0 (att. 164)
PR: St Neots Town 2 Brackley Town 2 (att. 148)

Links
Brackley Town website
Havant & Waterlooville website

Trafford 0 Harrogate Town 1

14oct06
FA Cup 3rd Qualifying Round
Shawe View, Flixton
att. 284

Trafford FC play in Flixton. Flixton FC play in Trafford. It’s a town and district thing. Both clubs play in the North West Counties League Division One. Their grounds are a mile apart. Both are at home today, but call me a glory hunter if you will - I’d prefer (death or glory) hunter – Flixton’s bread and butter league game with Glossop North End isn’t half as intriguing as Trafford taking on Harrogate Town in the Cup. Having begun their cup journey at Oldham Town in the Extra Preliminary round two months ago, Trafford have surpassed their personal best, in an albeit short history dating back to 1990, by reaching this stage and the prospect of making it to the promised land of Round 1 is becoming all the more real. Macclesfield and Mark Lawrenson on a November Sunday. Doesn’t sound like a wonderful proposition to you perhaps, but…

However, Harrogate Town will be a tough old obstacle, being from three divisions higher in the Conference North, and having spent their two and a half years in said division since its inception hovering around the bottom of the play-off spots. There is certainly no lack of ambition in the West Yorkshire side, particularly with former Leeds chairman Bill Fotherby now at their boardroom helm, oft suggesting how he wants to bring league football to Harrogate. He has also hardly been backwards in coming forwards in courting local residents Danny Mills and David Batty to turn out when they reach an appropriate point in their careers.

That’s not to say they haven’t already got experience in their ranks, with assistant manager and sub Lee Philpott and captain Roy Hunter making over 500 league appearances between them, while Kirk Jackson and Colin Hunter might both be described as non-league journeymen. Trafford are certainly green in comparison, but while they might not be as experienced, they certainly appear more exotic, with names like Dion, Levi and Ayrton on their team sheet. They also, as a club, may not have quite as much potential as Harrogate, but that’s not to say their ambition isn’t naked. W.I.-style calendars in aid of Cancer Research will apparently be available from mid-November.

Of the 284 here, Harrogate’s support make up a sizeable part, or at least they are more obvious in their waspish shirts and scarves. That said, it is a group of about eight Trafford fans gathered behind the far goal who make the initial moves with the singing, “Come on Trafford” appearing early. A popular warm-up and previous experience in North West Counties circles suggests that this might be the lot, but yet several other songs, all different, follow in quick succession. They’re certainly keen on winning the singing. Maybe it’s a cross-Pennine pride thing.

After about ten Trafford tunes, three Harrogate fans, wobbling unsteadily at the top of the banking behind Trafford keeper Damien Rooney’s goal, begin a pronunciation of their side’s name that sounds not unlike a long, baritone burp funnelled through a reedless oboe. To follow, “Yorkshire, Yorkshire” appears more tried and tested material, but a round of “Neil Aspin’s barmy army” appears, at best, under-rehearsed.

The first fifteen minutes of the game suggest that there has been a slight under-estimation of their opponents on the part of the Conference North side, having most of the possession thanks to the mercurial presence of Roy Hunter at the centre of midfield, but not appearing as threatening as they perhaps should. However on 17 minutes, from nothing, Hunter threads a ball to about five yards outside the corner of the box. His namesake Colin runs though and sweeps his right foot like one of Windy Miller’s creaky vanes over the ball to counter its high bounce, catching it sweetly so that it sails slowly before dropping just beneath the bar [see picture below] into the far corner. Sweet.

Trafford don’t give up and its bitty stuff for the next twenty minutes, before Harrogate step up through the gears again. Rooney has to make a save from a header down by his right hand post, while a cheeky cross-come-lob-come-shot from Chris Bettney drops with a heavy sigh a foot beyond the far post. With two minutes of the half to go, Colin Hunter breaks down the left and rifles a shot across Rooney who again show his process down by the heels. From the corner Roy Hunter’s loopy header from the edge of the area drops just over the top. Then Trafford somehow manage to force a corner, but the ball is easily cleared and dropped again between the apparently brick-booted Trafford defenders, but Danny Holland’s lob is just a bit too roller-coaster steep.

Harrogate are certainly not afraid to have a crack. A minute into injury time, Colin Hunter, this time under pressure, fires a fierce shot to once again bring the best from the now continually diving Trafford keeper. He also has the first chance of the second half, snapping a shot through bodies into Rooney’s chest, the keeper reacting as though having just pulled back the loose lid of a suspiciously plainly-labelled tin of peanuts. On 67 minutes, a Trafford free-kick is drilled in from the right and defender Chris Ellerker’s back-flick is almost disastrous, but for the timely intervention of Leigh Wood.

The second half though is largely untroubling for the scorers, although Ellerker makes another almost vital contribution, this time at the right end as he heads a corner over from eight yards. Mind you, while Harrogate may have expected more of themselves against opposition such as Trafford, the lower-ranked side could not come close to breaking down the door for all the admirable efforts. The Harrogate fans might have wanted more to cheer or, at least, to bellow at like a drunken Lord, but when a clean sheet appears largely guaranteed, why waste the goals?

“In the next round I would like the lowest ranked team left in the competition at home,” said Harrogate manager Neil Aspin after the game, with all the confidence of Scooby Doo preparing for a job interview at a funeral directors, but it will be Conference side Tamworth waiting to host them. They may indeed need a few of them goals in reserve.

Road to Wembley
F: Manchester United 0 Chelsea 1 aet (att. 89,826)
SF: Blackburn Rovers 1 Chelsea 2 aet (att. 50,559)
QFr: Tottenham Hotspur 1 Chelsea 2 (att. 35,519)
QF: Chelsea 3 Tottenham Hotspur 3 (att. 41,517)
5R: Chelsea 4 Norwich City 0 (att. 41,537)
4Rr: Norwich City 3 Blackpool 2 aet (att. 19,120)
4R: Blackpool 1 Norwich City 1 (att. 9,491)
3R: Tamworth 1 Norwich City 4 (att. 3,165)
2R: Rushden & Diamonds 1 Tamworth 2 (att. 2,815)
1R: Burton Albion 1 Tamworth 2 (att. 4,150)
4QR: Tamworth 3 Harrogate Town 1 (att. 719)
3QR: Trafford 0 Harrogate Town 1
2QR: Trafford 5 Glossop North End O (att. 169)
2QR: Curzon Ashton 0 Harrogate Town 2 (att. 173)
1QRr: Trafford 3 Chadderton 1 (att. 151)
1QR: Chadderton 1 Trafford 1 (att. 123)
PR: Trafford 4 Brodsworth Miners Welfare 1 (att. 121)
EPR: Oldham Town 1 Trafford 3 (att. 75)

Links
Trafford website
Harrogate Town website

FA Cup: 1st round or bust

After last weekends ties (one of which will be documented here shortly), 64 teams are left from the non-league ranks ready to battle it out in the fourth qualifying round on Saturday week for a place in the first round proper. Your hobo has been following the FA Cup from its opening Extra Preliminary Round but who now remains in the competition from those that took part in the junior kickstart back in mid August? Well, there are three, Whitley Bay (more on them later); Hungerford Town, who will need to overcome an in-form Weymouth at home to advance; and Haverhill Rovers, who have also been drawn at home to a formidable Conference side, in their case Aldershot. I think they call that tough love.

From the 4th qualifying round ties, we note there will be a guaranteed 14 balls in the 1st round sack that will be attached to sides from below the national Conference. Of the Conference sides who may not get an easy ride, I’d reckon Grays and Exeter will be pleased they at least managed home draws against Bromley and AFC Wimbledon respectively, while Kettering will fancy their chances at Southport. Another intriguing tie will be Northern League Newcastle Benfield (Bay Plastics) hosting York City. Yeading, who made it to the third round and a home tie with Newcastle United two seasons ago are still in the hunt, while the current top two in the Conference, Dagenham & Redbridge and Oxford United will face off. Arguably the two strongest sides in Conference South, Fisher and Salisbury, will also be playing each other.

Hobo Tread started its FA Cup stroll at Garforth Town, but they didn’t last much longer, going out in the following round to Chorley. Indeed on that strand of the Wembley-bound road, no-one kept the baton for more than a single game, until this round where Northern League Whitley Bay put out local Conference North rivals Blyth Spartans after a replay, making a mockery of the three division gap that has grown between them. With nudging towards 4,000 watching over the two games, it was undoubtedly tie of the round. Last season, Blyth lost to Chasetown on the latter’s way to a date with Oldham Athletic and the BBC Sunday lunchtime audience so maybe that could be an omen for Whitley Bay. It will be another Conference North side, Gainsborough Trinity, that stand in the way of Whitley progressing to, who knows, maybe another derby with Hartlepool or Darlo. If any of the three left from the very start are to get through, Whitley are without doubt the most likely.

We have also journeyed with Fleetwood Town who, after coming in at the 1st qualifying round stage, have managed their fourth successive home draw and, with lowly Eastern Counties League Wisbech Town their final barrier, I’d fancy them to make it through. Am sure they’d like a fifth home tie, especially if it was with Blackpool.

As for Havant & Waterlooville, well, we’ve got a great opportunity, drawn away to Brackley Town, from two divisions below us. The warning to our players is the cup has seen us slip on lower division banana skins for the last three years. Then again in our dressing room we have Rocky Baptiste, who scored for Farnborough when they went to Highbury for a 3rd round game a couple of years back. Hopefully he can impart some wisdom as to what rewards are potentially there for one last push into what they call the ‘proper’ stuff. Also, after two first round appearances in our short existence post-merger, that have only thrown up fellow non-league opposition, surely we’ve paid our dues? We have to be mindful of underestimating Brackley, but there has never been a better time and, frankly, I can smell the Rochdale. A worrying amount of confidence going on in your hobo, who, barring postponement, will report from Brackley in a couple of weeks.

Curzon Ashton 1 FC United of Manchester 3

18sep06
North West Counties League Division One
Tameside Stadium, Ashton-under-Lyne
att. 1,683

I made mention, in my sketch of Atherton LR’s insipid mauling by Cammell Laird at the apex of last season, that those who found themselves in the North West Counties League Division One this season would probably be quite happy with their lot, what with a home game guaranteed against protest club FC United of Manchester. However, FCUM’s fans, whom are legion, have caused clubs in the NWCL to undertake a reality check on their spartan facilities and, as such, in their freshman campaign, FC United only played three genuine away games (at Leek CSOB, Darwen and Flixton). They did though visit Accrington Stanley (3x), Oldham Athletic (3x), Hyde, Altrincham, Radcliffe, Stockport, Macclesfield, Chorley, Blackpool, Stafford, Port Vale and Barrow RLFC without playing any of them.

However, already in this campaign clubs are discovering that playing FC might not be quite the moneyspinner they thought. On the opening day, St Helens Town were disappointed with their attendance despite playing at their usual base of Knowsley Road. Sheffield FC’s hiring of Don Valley stadium for their pre-season friendly was rendered pointless and costly when only 600 showed up, all of whom would not only have fit snugly into their Coach & Horses ground, but might have fancied a crack on some phone box world record action.

In addition, Brodsworth Miners Welfare, FC’s first ever opposition in the Vase, indeed any FA competition, found the costs of hiring Rotherham’s Millmoor to be prohibitive and thus went all ticket at their tiny Welfare Road home. It appears FC may have to get used to slumming it properly while they remain in the NWCL. Mind you, it looks as though they won’t last long there, as prior to tonight’s game, they were top, with a 100% record over 10 games, averaging 4 goals per game and conceding 4. In total.

Curzon Ashton are also a fancied side in this division, with above average support and, luckily for them, in a ground all set up for such an occasion as FC United rocking up, having moved into Tameside Council’s handsome new facility in 2005. Nearby Conference North side Droylsden were also invited to make use of it, but preferred to keep with tradition at the Butchers Arms, which was FC’s first choice for ground-sharing as it goes, before the size of the breakaway support made Bury’s Gigg Lane a more sensible choice. In the context of the North West Counties, and pretty much all of the pyramid, the size of FC’s support has been pretty spectacular.

I have heard incredulity at the break-away decision from outsiders, and I can understand that. For example, going overboard on the piety, abusing supporters of clubs who take on MK Dons in a friendly and such, appears to be chipping away at AFC Wimbledon’s goodwill and it is not as if FC United’s stroppy-teen hardcore are going to be keeping quiet about the mother club anytime soon. There does appear to be a bit of an identity crisis wrapped up in FC’s support, what with their constant referencing of Malcolm Glazer, the Busby Babes, Rio Ferdinand and Manchester City in their choral repertoire.

However, I have a greater understanding for the disillusionment and disenfranchisement that can occur from upper echelons of the game that has been massively transformed by big money in the last decade and a half. It’s one of several reasons that my vague, 13-year association with Southampton FC came to an end in 1999. As a more recent example, take my uncle. When I first showed an interest in football, he tried very hard to thrust me bosom-wards into the, in those days, needy arms of his beloved Charlton Athletic (I was a Junior Red for a year, y’know, and my first live game was a Charlton ‘home’ fixture at Selhurst Park). However, where once he was wrapped up in the old community spirit that kept Charlton alive back in the late 80’s, he has now become detached and given up his season ticket, and will now be watching a Dartford side returned to the town after 14 years in exile.

If it can happen in a drip-drip like this, is it such a stretch to understand why an aggressive takeover of a club might turn the tap full on for a few thousands supporters missing the camaraderie, and fed up with players like Rio Ferdinand, stalling for a massive pay-rise despite, as FCUM supporters will tell you, missing eight months of games for Manchester United through his own idiocy. As a result, they turn their backs on a club they don’t recognise as their own anymore. It’s interesting to note that, as yet, FCUM have yet to wear a sponsor’s name on their shirts. Curzon Ashton have no such ‘No Logo’ pretensions, sponsored by Greggs to the tune, it appears by the stack in the tea-bar, of a couple of thousand pies. FC’s fans certainly won’t be able to complain they’ve not been looked after tonight.

Like I say though, there does appear to be an identity crisis inherent to FCUM, and I don’t think its too far from the truth to suggest they are trying to be like Man U, but without the corporate bullshit and a greater focus on the local community, especially as one of the many flags put up around the Tameside reads “MU(FC)UM – 2 Uniteds: 1 soul”, and it doesn’t just rest at that.

In the 1990’s, British wrestling promotions were trying to get away from the fat-dads-getting-clocked-by-irate-old-ladies’-handbags image that still festered from the Dickie Davies World of Sport days. Their method? To get their pro’s to become, essentially, unofficial franchise versions of WWF superstars, to mimic and impersonate the top performers from the US market. For example, there might well have been a British Hulk Hogan, who would probably have exchanged the blonde-dyed Sanchez whiskers for a mousey Field Marshall handlebar, but he’d have meant well. There was certainly, though, a British Undertaker doing the rounds, and a British Legion of Doom. I imagine a similar motivation may be behind FCUM’s signing of Rhodri Giggs. Yes, brother of.

The fact that Rhodri’s an affective, pacey non-league winger may be just a bonus. Still, they love him here, and he gets serenaded with a bit of Joy Division: “Giiiiiggs. Giggs will tear you apart again.” That is certainly one thing you can’t take away from FC United of Manchester’s abundant support. They sing. And keep singing. Pretty much without taking a breath. For a full 90, pretty much. Ignore for a minute the chip-on-the-shoulder lyrics, “…you can’t buy me you greedy twat”…”running round Old Trafford with his head on a stick” etc, and the FC fans are pretty sharp and good-humoured. “We can see you getting wet” they sing to those of us outside the all-ticketed covered terracing, “We’ll drink dry the bars, when we win the FA Vase” they boast and also ask the kit-man to give them a wave. There is also a very oddly placed ‘Under the Boardwalk’ “…watching F-Ceeeeeee” with an impressive collective falsetto on that last syllable.

Despite the antipathy towards Glazer-brand Manchester United, they cannot be accused of not succumbing fully to the charms of their new club. It’s even there in the kids, who you might expect to a bit starry-eyed and unwilling to let go the grandeur of following a Premiership club, but their hero-worship has been easily redirected. There can’t be many North West Counties players over the years that have been approached for an autograph, let alone faced a queue of eager hunters. Here, it happens. It appears to be a profound, mutual bond.

FC, the football team itself I mean, don’t worry their support overly tonight either, ticking off another impressive victory against a Curzon side that will be better than most they’ll face in this campaign. Indeed, Curzon make a great deal of the opening half an hour but after holding back their pressure, it is FC who score first in the 38th minute. A looping cross-come-shot is tipped over by Ashley Timms. From the corner, Stuart Rudd (who accomplished great things in this division with Skelmersdale last year) heads against the underside of the crossbar, Simon Carden getting the merest push on the ball in to beat a defender’s lunge at the near post.

FC come out in the second half much more buoyant because of this, and increase their lead in the 51st, John Howard skipping down the right and sending in a cross that defender Andrew Watson can only divert with his toe past Timms. FC have a bit of a wobble with twenty minutes to go, as William Ahern gets tunnelled for retaliation and ten minutes later, Curzon make things even more edgy as Michael Norton, the division’s current top scorer with 12 (17 in all competitions, having only failed to score in two games so far this season), gets one back, beating the last defender and head-on scissor-kicking the ball past keeper Sam Ashton. The PA pipes into life with “I Feel Good” and the Curzon support, about 100 of them swamped by those in red, reveal themselves in the main-stand with a triumphant ‘YES!”.

With two minutes remaining, however, Stuart Rudd maintains FC’s 100% record with a great piece of awareness. Noticing that the keeper’s kicking has been suspect, he chases him down, and Timms fails to deal with the high bounce, scuffing his kick to Rudd, who rounds him and slots in off the far post, which increases the song count yet further with “We told you not to score” and “We’ve only got ten men” blasting out.

It’ll take a very good side to stop FC United winning their second successive league title this season, particularly as even the better sides like Nantwich and Maine Road already have quite a bit of catching up to do.

Links
Curzon Ashton
FC United of Manchester

Havant & Waterlooville 3 Team Bath 1

30sep06
FA Cup 2nd Qualifying Round
West Leigh Park, Havant
att. 281

photos of the game by Dave Haines here

As you’ll have gathered from the fact that I’ve been present at every round of it thus far, I love the FA Cup. That is not, though, a view held by all. Clubs entering at this second round stage, and drawn at home, will almost all have suffered a drop on their usual attendance this weekend. That is the way of it. H&W will always, while they remain in the Conference South, enter at the 2nd qualifying round stage, so there’s little uncharted territory; little intrigue in that. However those who came in at the extra-preliminary, who find themselves still alive, will get a few extra curtains twitching.

However if my handsome Hawks make the 4th qualifier, with the potential of a league club in the 1st round should they win, the average will be significantly bettered. Fingers crossed and welded to a plank of wood therefore. Interest in the Cup may well then be an equation of a club’s level ÷ the round occurring x (the opposition's status² x size of the prize), or something. In today’s case, x=FA^{£3,750-and-Carshalton-at-home-next-round}. Possibly though, a cup tie against lower league opposition merely allows you to turn off your football set and do something less boring instead, and thus avoid bearing witness to a calamitous scalping (casting mind back to here), or a regulation dispatching with the odd hairy moment, but lacking in genuine excitement.

Some don’t need the cod mathematics. Some just hate the FA Cup. Indeed some of the first words I hear as I enter the West Leigh Park are: “I hate the FA Cup.” These words come from a man who followed Coventry City in a former life and, as such, packed the two extremities of FA Cup emotion into an all-AND-nothing 20 month period. Winning the thing in ‘87, to getting dumped out by Sutton United in ’89. Doesn’t get much more bipolar than that. Thankfully, with H&W sharing a division with Sutton for three seasons now, he’s appears to have trained himself out of the heavy tick that inevitably came with the clack of the turnstiles at Gander Green Lane.

Others amongst our support view the FA Cup with even greater amounts of respect than I, going as far to insist that we supporters deal with the big cup with the adequate levels of elegance and decorum. As such, the Hamster is resplendent today in shirt and tie, and not for the first time on the road to Wembley. We may have only one follower dressed in such a way, much to his dismay, but Team Bath do not appear to have any followers at all, dressed in any suit, neither business, bear nor birthday.

Being that Team Bath are, to use a less Americanised moniker (or just one that doesn't suggest an antiquated alternative to the communal shower) the University of Bath FC; and we’re just coming out the other side of Freshers’ week, it is perhaps understandable that any followers they might usually be able to call upon will be too busy reclining upside-down behind a new friend’s washing machine to travel all the way to south-east Hampshire.

Team Bath though are not quite what meets the eye. Certainly scholarships and coaching staff appointments have given their squad an extra edge in the last few seasons, while 90 year old coach Ivor Powell keeps everyone feeling very young. The once towering Bath City’s decline means that they not only share the city, and more recently their ground, with Team Bath, but also a division. Certainly, not your average bunch of Uni public bar trouser-droppers then, and four seasons ago, they were the first university side since Gonville & Caius College in 1881 to enter the FA Cup. That same year they made it to the first round proper. As did we. They got Mansfield Town, we got Dagenham & Redbridge. F*****’ stoodents.

As you might imagine, both our clubs fancy some of that action again, and like I say, the Hawks road starts here, with a game that on paper should see a comfy victory. However, Team Bath rock up to WLP on the back of a 7-0 thumping of Downton in the previous round. Game on then, and fairly see-saw early in the first half, before Carl Wilson-Denis, starting for the first time since pre-season, takes the edge off (for a bit), twisting the ball in at the far post after the Scholars defence has gone sleepies.

Sixteen minutes later though, and with the Hawks continually looking unmotivated in the face of such opposition, Rocky Baptiste blots his otherwise pristine copybook, welting a 40 yard pass across the field and back into H&W’s half, where it is intercepted by Andy Reilly, who bustles easily past a crazed Neil Sharp challenge and to the line, from where he fizzea across goal, allowing a simple thump from Sean Canham to level the scores. For the remainder of the half, H&W look pretty clueless, Fitzroy Simpson often disappearing and Michael Warner playing as though without studs and a bewildered index-finger hooked over his bottom lip.

Last week, after going in at half-time 1-0 down to Histon, Ian Baird’s team-talk could, so I’m told, be heard in the board-room and rather embarrassingly so, the riot act as liberally peppered with vicious invective as Irvine Welsh’s bedside notepad. Today, the same would be required, the Hawks appearing only very barely interested or able come the break. A defeat would be disastrous, a replay not far short, and thankfully, their game is upped for the second period, although it still takes a while, with some perilous goings on amidst the midfield.

However the whole momentum changes after Tony Taggart is brought on for Simpson, and then Dean Holdsworth for Wilson-Denis on the hour. Holdsworth, returned to our bosom after some time last season with Derby, Weymouth and Heybridge, strides on, all perma-tan and worrying potential-mullet straggling against his nape. Further down, his shirt falls around his body in much the same way as a pair of tights might settle against an armed robber's face. He does, though, almost instantly give us the lead, his header from a corner kicked away from danger.

Holdsworth, despite, or perhaps because of, a lengthy but aimless dribble at one stage, does appear to have lost a little of his magic in the last year away, and is likely to continue in that Teddy-Sheringham-last-half-hour-I’m-89-y’know mould, particularly since his replacement last September, Rocky Baptiste has picked up where he left off last season, scoring goals for fun. Indeed, it is the Rock who restores our lead in the 64th minute. Mo Harkin makes a bee-line for the box, and a penalty is obvious before anyone goes near him, but sure enough, Reilly supplies the leg for Mo to try-and-not-hurdle. Down he goes and the question is, will it be all-in-wrestling between Dean and Rocky to take it. The elder statesman though makes no attempt to reclaim penalty duties, and looks ecstatic when Rocky’s head-on approach and deft side-foot sends Darren Chitty the wrong way.

With the Hawks re-galvanised, it is only another five minutes before we score again. Some quality work in the centre from Taggart enables his pass to reach Michael Warner, who continues the footwork dexterity in finding Rocky Baptiste. His first-time ball across goal finds an unmarked Brett Poate who has the simple job of nodding in the winner.

So, 3-1 it finishes. A regulation dispatching with the odd hairy moment, but lacking in genuine excitement. Am I disappointed? F***, no. Just 180 minutes now from Nottingham Forest away!

Mmmm, maybe I should get me another plank.

Road to Wembley
F: Manchester United 0 Chelsea 1 aet (att. 89,826)
SF: Blackburn Rovers 1 Chelsea 2 aet (att. 50,559)
QFr: Tottenham Hotspur 1 Chelsea 2 (att. 35,519)
QF: Chelsea 3 Tottenham Hotspur 3 (att. 41,517)
5R: Fulham 0 Tottenham Hotspur 4 (att. 18,655)
4R: Fulham 3 Stoke City 0 (att. 11,059)
3R: Stoke City 2 Millwall 0 (att. 8,024)
2Rr: Millwall 1 Bradford City 0 a.e.t. (att. 3,220)
2R: Bradford City 0 Millwall 0 (att. 4,346)
1R: Havant & Waterlooville 1 Millwall 2 (att. 5,793) [HOBO]
4QR: Brackley Town 0 Havant & Waterlooville 2 (att. 505) [HOBO]
3QR: Havant & Waterlooville 2 Carshalton Athletic 0 (att. 241)
2QR: Havant & Waterlooville 3 Team Bath 1
1QR: Downton 0 Team Bath 7 (att. 160)
PR: Downton 2 Christchurch 1 (att. 75)
EPR: Bemerton Heath Harlequins 1 Downton 3 (att. 145)

Links
Havant & Waterlooville
Team Bath