Bognor Regis Town 0 Havant & Waterlooville 1

26dec05
Conference South
Nyewood Lane, Bognor Regis
att. 474

The Boxing Day/New Year’s Day derby exchange is implemented in many leagues, and while it never used to be this way in the Southern League, we’re getting used to it in the Conference South. Bognor on Boxing Day? I can think of worse things. No, really! Nyewood Lane has a wide open terrace with picnic benches on it, which I quite like the idea of even if during the first half today, while we shoot toward it, heavy drizzle ruins the effect.

While being a bit remote in the old Southern League, which at times stretched from Folkestone to Tiverton and Merthyr to Boston, H&W are now spoilt for choice for ‘derby’ fixtures, with Eastleigh, Farnborough, Basingstoke as well as Bognor and ourselves making up the central southern belt of the newly formed division. Back in the old hierarchy, all those other clubs were in the Ryman strand of the pyramid and, as such, it is old Dr Martens clubs like Weymouth, and only Weymouth pretty much, who provoke the ire within the H&W brethren.

Bognor is less than 20 miles from Havant and, in theory, should be the focus for all the bitterness those so inclined would wish to project on an opposing club, but there’s no history there, and as such our Christmas fixtures pass without any problem and today with a disappointing attendance, considering. Aside from a 4-0 win for the Hawks in the FA Cup 2 seasons ago, most games between the sides, including the pre-season friendlies that occurred prior to our union in the Conference South, have ended in stalemate. I expected, and would have settled for as much today, especially with our top scorer Rocky Baptiste suspended. On the bright side, the Rocks’ golden-booted Luke Nightingale was also forced to sit out. 0-0 written all over then, and come the half-time interval, such a predicition appears to be reinforced. Plenty of decent approach play from both sides, but with nothing that really causes much panic in either camp.

Attacking the covered end in the second half which, naturally, sees a cessation in the clouds’ inhospitable spitty-fit, it is H&W who look the slightly more impressive going forward, but the game is peppered by stoppages for treatment, and no real pressure can be built up in this stop-start environment. The first moment of real interest in this typically dull derby comes with 15 remaining. A late tackle from an under-par Brett Poate is wild enough to warrant a caution and, being his second, he doesn’t wait around for the over-eager ref to scramble around for the red card that appears to be caught on the lining of his back pocket. Down to ten men, the word on the terraces is “lets dig in and hold out for a point”, but some of our players aren’t reading from that semi-defeatist script.

Three minutes later and despite the deficit in personnel, the Hawks are awarded a corner-kick, Bognor keeper Craig Stoner forced into spooning the ball behind. The delivery is ideal, curving into the 6-yard box where striker Carl Wilson-Denis is on hand to beat Stoner to it with a header that sends the ball defiantly in, and after wearied disappointment comes incredible delirium amongst the away support.

For the double-barrelled dynamo, it is an ideal return for his efforts during the course of the game, as well as being one more in the eye for the many critics whose words have rung in his ears on departure from his previous two Conference South stops off, Newport County and Carshalton Athletic. Indeed, H&W were laughed at for taking a punt on CW-D, and an online posting from a Carshalton fan a couple of weeks before we snapped him up tells a story, “Actually he (Wilson-Denis) wasn’t on the pitch yesterday, so about as threatening to the oppo’s goal as usual”. In the 5 games since coming to us, wrapped up in the discordant tune of a chorus of derision, he has now scored 4 goals causing widespread disbelief in Gwent, Surrey and pretty much everywhere south of Cambridgeshire.

It is a fairly tough slog thereafter, but for some it has been that way since the break, Robbie Pethick spending the second half looking each of his 36 years, every tackle about as well timed as an over-written double-entendre in an under-rehearsed village hall panto. Indeed when he gets booked near to the end of normal time, the surprise is not that he has seen yellow, but that it has taken the referee so long to notice him sailing along the oily surface capturing a variety of Bognor legs in his considerable undertow. The ball happily trundling off at a 90° angle to another freshly-dug trough finally alerts the man in black to Robbie’s rather industrial, but devilishly effective, break-up of Bognor’s upfield progression. That said, there was plenty of good short-range passing, and penetrative crossing, from our unpretentious hero as well.

The workmanlike behaviour is necessary though as Bognor up tempo to try and get back on level terms, with one point-blank header from about 6 yards whistling over the bar. Far be it from me to farm an easy cliché, but it really would have been easier for Dan Beck to avoid the gasps of disbelief and relief on the respective terraces than achieve them so (un)successfully.

The plethora of injuries leaves plenty of overtime, during which Bognor manage another great chance, a bevy of tired legs in the H&W box unable to prevent a poke goalward which is swept up swiftly by Colin Matthews despite his having to reach down from his 6’8”. He makes several excellent saves during the final moments of the game but none better than his dramatic swoop in the 95th and final minute. Prolific Bognor forward Ben Watson’s free-kick from 20 yards is launched from a worryingly central position and it’s loft and curve is poetically pin-point, heading into the extremities of the top right hand corner, before Colin’s windmilling tentacles scoop the ball from its glorious trajectory. Had he been 6’6” or shorter, he may well have been left floundering, so while the Hawks fans sing on the immediately subsequent final whistle “we only need ten men”, it is with the caveat that one of those ten should ideally be ridiculously tall.

See this is where the Old Testament had it wrong. It is surely better to get the gargantuan freak on side. Why bother with the slingshot, Dave, if you’re in the position to offer fairly reasonable semi-professional terms?

While still behind Weymouth, the Hawks nonetheless now find themselves 5 points clear in 2nd place and with plenty of reasons for celebration. The H&W players are applauded vociferously from the field, with the players similarly unwilling to wind up their overhead applause of the bank holiday beano-ites, and as such the victory dance of a verse, chorus and middle-eight of Showaddywaddy’s ‘Under The Moon Of Love’ rings around the swiftly emptying ground.

Ace.

Links:
Bognor Regis Town website
Havant & Waterlooville website

Warrington Town 1 Blyth Spartans 2

17dec05
FA Trophy 1st Round
Cantilever Park, Warrington
att. 251

Word is that Wembley may not be ready for this season’s cup finals. Mind you, it’s been “We won’t”/“You f***ing will” style duologue between the contractor’s and the FA for a good while now. Slow day at the sports desk? Send the work experience tea-boy knocking on the door of the larger of the dusty terrapins temporarily beneath North London’s new semi-circular icon.

It is with fingers crossed then that I say that today’s game sees me step back onto a familiar path, if you will, on the road to Wemberley. After Kidsgrove beat Ashton, they lost to Gateshead who then got thrown out for player a ringer. Kiddy then re-entered to take a pasting off a Warrington side fed up with constantly needing replays.

As such I am in Cheshire today in the town which feels like it’s desperate for the attention of its two irreconcilable parent-figures. Liverpool and Manchester positioned on either side, perpetually pulling Warrington in a social and cultural tug-o-war.

The former Stockton Heath Albion are housed just along from the Greenhalls' Distillery, currently encased in plastic sheeting having recently suffered a fire that caused Stockton Heath village to smell temporarily of burnt gin. Cantilever Park itself lies under the gaze of an imposing bridge, its design inspiring the ground’s name.

It is a place of industry and, being along the M62, of rugby league. The Warrington Wolves have their sparkling new Halliwell Jones stadium in the town centre and attract support numbers the football club probably drools over. Indeed, today’s attendance figure is buoyed by a significant percentage, perhaps even half, of North-Easterners on a festive beano.

Despite such apathy, Warrington Town have known the thrill of a Wembley final having reached the Vase final in 1987. Today’s opponents, Blyth Spartans, have a fine history in the knockouts themselves, having reached the FA Cup 1st round 31 times and once, famously, to the 5th round. Being a division higher than their hosts though means that they cannot revel in the status of the underdog this time.

To make up for that thought, they have their traveling support, an impressive number particularly for a Northern league side at a relative extremity. Several wear Santa hats, 3 or 4 have gone the whole hog and one dons a seasonally adjusted sombrero. One chap adopts a more lo-fi approach, replacing his scarf with a thinning strand of uniform green tinsel. Sadly the on-field Spartans are today clad in their lurid orange away strip, a fashion faux-pas when painted onto the dangled-frog physiques of non-example-setting skipper Richard Forster and assistant boss Graham Fenton, but particularly so when in collision with the white-fur-lined clobber of the fancy-dressed terrace crew.

Their sartorial mis-match is mirrored in terms of performance with the Blyth fans’ large repertoire of songs, including “I wanna be round the toaster, when the beans come out the tin”, jarring with a largely lacklustre first-half display from their satsumaline heroes. Certainly NOT just like watching the Dutch. They are not alone in colour, though, as amongst the many St. George and Union flags for both sides is a Swedish flag adorned with the name of the hosts, presumably for the colour coincidence rather than a zealous pocket of Warrington support in Scandinavia. Mind you, there is a Billericay Town fan club in Norway, so who knows?

Aside from that display of cloth, the home fans don’t appear too excitable and with the expectation of precious little unchoreographed support, Warrington employ a troupe of yellow and blue clad cheerleaders to take up post at the start of each half at the covered end, beneath the bridge. This creates an early standoff, as this is the end towards which Blyth attack in the first half. The Blyth fans mass just to the side of the auspiciously decorated young uns, even joining in with some of the girls’ elementary dance moves. Impressively for a bunch of schoolgirls in their early teens, they stand their ground, always taking up the challenge of a “You’re supposed to sing at home” with a coordinated star-jump square dance and a prickly flick of a pompom. “Gooooo Yeelllooows” might not be a haka, but certainly highlights a lack of intimidation on their part.

As an aside to all this, a football match breaks out, with Warrington taking the lead midway through the first period, a clearance from a free-kick is hit, as seen in the above photo, straight back by Dave Tickle. The ripple of excitement causing a strain on the overhang of the director’s balcony. They might well have a case for a potential second after 38 minutes as Mike Heverin enters the box only to have his legs taken from beneath him, without the reward of the penalty kick.

Another controversial decision awards Blyth a corner in first-half stoppage time, from which a shot hits a Warrington arm and this time the ref points at the white punishment pimple. A number of hitherto bored and impatiently beer-hungry Blyth fans, including an errant Father Christmas, spill haphazardly out of the bar together to witness Richard “Blyth. Not lithe” Forster send keeper Colin Flood the wrong way. It is an equaliser that doesn’t reflect the balance of play.

To celebrate a moral victory, the cheerleaders amass in the centre-circle. Their display though appears a touch minimalist, the troop standing stock-still for an eternity before a voice bellowing “CD ain’t workin’” from an open window in the boardroom spoils the John Cage-like ambience which made for a nice accompaniment to the modest sea vessel gliding gently along the adjacent Manchester Ship Canal.

It is a different Blyth that start the second half, making themselves worthy of their equaliser, and more, as after 50 minutes they have the ball in the net from an exquisite lob, only for an earlier offside to rule it out. They soon make up for any disappointment, only a further minute passes prior to Blyth establishing a lead, that eventually wins it for them. A cross is headed weakly against his own bar by a Warrington defender, before swiftly being followed up by Andrew Leeson.

Warrington may point to the 2 conflicting penalty decisions as being decisive in this game, as they manage 13 chances in the game to Blyth’s 4. However, for all Heverin’s eye-catching work up front, that half of those occur in the last 25 minutes with each sliding achingly around the Blyth goal’s force-field is equally their undoing.

Blyth now face Welling United of the Conference South at Croft Park in the next round. A 600 mile round trip for the Wings, now we are into unregionalised draw, should be a decent leveler, but Blyth will still have to up their game from this showing. Mind you, if there is one team you’d back to beat a side from a higher level…

Road to Upton Park:
F: Woking 0 Grays Athletic 2 (att. 13,997) [BBC]
SFl2: Woking 2 Boreham Wood 0 (att. 2,080)
SFl1: Boreham Wood 0 Woking 1 (att. 1,511)
4Rr: Stafford Rangers 2 Woking 4 (att. 1,781)
4R: Woking 1 Stafford Rangers 1 (att. 2,020)
3R: Woking 3 Welling United 2 (att. 1,244)
2R: Blyth Spartans 1 Welling United 3 (att. 784)
1R: Warrington Town 1 Blyth Spartans 2
3QR: Warrington Town 4 Kidsgrove Athletic 0 (att. 121)
3QR: Marine 0 Blyth Spartans 1 (att. 268)
2QRr: Warrington Town 1 Bridlington Town 0 (att. 101)
2QR: Bridlington Town 2 Warrington Town 2 (att. 192)
2QR: Blyth Spartans 2 Whitby Town 0 (att. 501)
1QRr: Frickley Athletic 1 Warrington Town 1 [*4-5 pens] (att. 265)
1QR: Warrington Town 1 Frickley Athletic 1 (att. 132)
1QR: Blyth Spartans 2 Belper Town 0 (att. 372)

Links:
Warrington Town website
Blyth Spartans website

Gretna 6 Cove Rangers 1

10dec05
Scottish Cup 2nd Round
Raydale Park, Gretna
att. 570

The squat nature of Raydale Park, with its pre-war bus shelter of a terrace along one side, the corrugated iron roofing and the dour wooden façade of the clubhouse betray its recent non-league history. However, the shell of a temporary, open stand being rebuilt as permanent (and covered) at the far end hints at their undoubted ambition. Indeed, there is even talk of a new 6,000 seat SPL-compliant stadium being on the agenda.

You might make comparisons to Wigan Athletic: former non-league club suddenly getting an unshackled hose of ready cash pouring in and rocketing through their leagues. Although the growth appears more at Wimbledon pace and one notable difference is that Wigan’s non-league days didn’t occur in a different country. Indeed not many clubs, let alone Scottish ones, can claim their record attendance as coming against Rochdale. The magic of the cup again then although today’s tie is under the jurisdiction of a different FA.

This is only the 4th season since Gretna ceased to provide an east/west borderland balance to Berwick Rangers’ participation in the Scottish leagues as prior to that the Black & White’s played their football within the English pyramid. After an initial season in the Dumfries Junior League subsequent to their formation in 1946, they switched to the Carlisle and District set-up, knocking about in Cumbria until they were accepted as part of a first intake into a new Northern League second tier in 1982 where they remained before getting elected into the Scottish leagues at their third application, after the demise of Airdrieonians, and new club Airdrie United’s takeover of stricken Clydebank, left a spare spot in Division 3.

After a couple of decent seasons of consolidation, Gretna ran away with the bottom division last year finishing 20 points ahead of second placed Peterhead, 47 in front of Cowdenbeath in 3rd with a fairly reasonable goal difference of +101. For this they can thank their excellent squad of players, many of whom could easily be playing at a higher level. The fact that they are not is due to the input of Gretna’s managing director Brooks Mileson, 100-a-day smoker and no. 49 in FourFourTwo’s recently published “guess the weight of the wallet” supplement, whose JP Getty-style philanthropy is centred on shooting this small town club through the Scottish leagues.

He is a man for the big gesture, forking out for pre-season training beanos in Italy, subsidising free-entry to their biggest Scottish Cup home-tie to date against Dundee United and, as mentioned, offering attractive full-time pro packages, in the semi-pro end of the Scottish leagues, to players who were coveted in much higher places.

Former Bolton man, and brother of Hobo Tread favourite Dean, David Holdsworth is here, with a detail of ‘Diet & Fitness’ as well as overseeing the reserve side. He also seems to be on hand to provide plenty of programme notes and moody portraits to go with them. His piece on the stiffs recent turn out against Arbroath is curved around a shot of ‘Reg’ (as he signs himself) wearing a leather jacket, shirt unbuttoned to reveal a cheeky hint of chest and seemingly about to film a promo for an unadventurous cover-version of “I Want To Know What Love Is”. Elsewhere he continues his A-Z of football series with Kenny Dalglish at ‘K’. Of most interest here though is another quality headshot of ‘Reg’, deadpan cool above a black polo-neck, which attempts to say “Because the lady loves…”, but actually suggests that he has sat down too quickly on his bike saddle.



Back to the game though and thanks to a late-runner from Carlisle, I miss once again the first 10 minutes of a match and the first goal. However, once in post on the terrace, stood between one of the half-time bag-pipers and a rave-alien stilt-walker (a Mileson gambit, for sure), I soon catch up with a Gretna second, a tidy finish from the hot-shot hooves of Dr. Kenny Deucher, part of the Gretna adventure while on a career-break from medical practice. It is a break which may see an indefinite extension considering his 41 goals in last year’s campaign and the 15 so far this time round.

Gretna’s professionalism is plain to see, even for the shoddy late-comer, and Cove rarely get out of their own half in any meaningful way. That is until the 32nd minute when they finally break, Gary Clark slotting his shot around the keeper from just outside the box. The Cove dug-out leap up with an almost choreographed level of synchronization, begging a Mexican Wave which doesn’t develop, the travelling Highland fans leaping about more excitedly and haphazardly underneath the bus-shelter opposite, singing “we’re going to win 3-2”. Not long after though they begin to get more realistic, getting into “we’re only here for the money”.

The linesman in front of the away section in the first half doesn’t escape their notice either as they sing at him “Linesman, linesman, shaves his legs”. Mind you it could well have been “shave YOUR legs”, but I wasn’t able to fully decipher the accent, nor was I close enough to examine the quantity of fluff, or lack thereof, on them demi-officious pins.

As you might imagine, the Cove supporters (around 40 strong), are in reasonable humour all afternoon, goading the lack of vocal support from what is a low crowd by Gretna’s new standards. Their average is well over a 1000 for their league campaign, but the ‘Down Memory Lane’ filler-page in the match-day mag reveals a great deal. 1 year ago today it was a 3-0 win over Elgin in front of a developing crowd of 661. 10 years ago they were hosting Worksop in front of 82, although those hardy souls did witness a 6-0 Gretna win. And they call this progress?

Not that the Gretna of ‘95 vintage are entirely unrelated to the current side, as two of the 6 goals that night came from Derek Townsley (back in border-country via Queen of the South, Motherwell, Hibs and Oxford), who adds the 3rd today just prior to half-time, moments after Deucher MD has another strike disallowed. Townsley’s back-post header allows the club DJ’s itchy fingers to slam a fader up, and as such “Hey Baby” comes farting out of the PA.

In the first period, Gretna look to be resting on their laurels and coasting into the 3rd round, until a fairly soft penalty is awarded in their favour in 63rd minute, which Ryan McGuffie curves upward and in. 10 minutes later though Cove remind us that this is a contest, forcing Alan Main to stretch out an arm whilst grounded to impede the ball’s keen goalward progress.

However, within a minute of that brief death-rattle, Paul Brady completes his brace (his first being the ‘missing’ opening goal) in glorious fashion, hop-scotching his feet as though escaping darts thrown with the sneered demand of “dance”, through the tired legs of the Cove defence. Despite Ivor Pirie’s initial save, he skips some more, collecting the ball after those sleepy limbs fail to connect with the rebound, sending it handsomely into the roof of the goal. The DJ has clearly been expecting this as the chorus of XTC's “Senses Working Overtime” kicks in, Andy Partridge providing the lazier arithmetists with a quick recap.

You can understand the DJ being well prepared as you have to go back to October 15th for the last time Gretna failed to score less than 3 in a game. For the 6th and final effort, we get “Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now”, and such is the quality of the strike, you can let them off a little pomposity in their euphoria. Left back Davey Nicholls (with whom I share a great deal) squeezes an exquisite 25-yarder in the miniscule gap between keeper and post.

It is an emphatic win, one befitting their relative positions in Scottish football, but you get the impression Gretna were nevertheless saving themselves for bigger challenges ahead. An initial one will be an away trip to Division One side St Johnstone in the next round. Not exactly a Goliath figure but a ‘giant’ they will be confident of slaying.

Road to Hampden:
F: Gretna 1 Hearts 1 [Hearts win 4-2 on pens] (att. 51,232) [BBC]
SF: Gretna 3 Dundee 0 (att. 14,179) [BBC]
5R: Gretna 1 St. Mirren 0 (att. 2,850) [BBC]
4Rr: Gretna 4 Clyde 0 (att. 2,410) [BBC]
4R: Clyde 0 Gretna 0 (att. 2,530) [BBC]
3R: St Johnstone 0 Gretna 1 (att. 2,651) [BBC]
2R: Gretna 6 Cove Rangers 1 [BBC]
1R: Preston Athletic 2 Gretna 6 (att. 637) [BBC]
Cove Rangers in the Scottish Qualifying Cup (North)
(participation at semi-final stage qualifies clubs for Scottish Cup)
SFr: Cove Rangers 0 Forres Mechanics 3
SF: Forres Mechanics 2 Cove Rangers 2
2R: Cove Rangers 2 Clachnacuddin 1
1R: Cove Rangers 1 Deveronvale 0
Reference sources:
Gall, K (2005) Border crossing. When Saturday Comes, 217, p.17
Sleight H. ed. (2005) FourFourTwo Football Rich List. London, Haymarket.
Tait, J (2005) Anvil: Gretna v Cove Rangers
(scroll down sidebar for regular reference sources)
Links:
Gretna website
Cove Rangers website

Moneyfields 4 Andover 4

06dec05
Wessex League Division One
Moneyfields Sports & Social Club, Copnor, Portsmouth
att. 43

If any club should have benefited from Havant & Waterlooville’s decision, at the end of last season, to disband their youth and reserve set-ups, it should have been the Hawks themselves. As they currently occupy one of the top spots in Conference South, it would seem this controversial decision might have created a smaller squad but also, with fewer playing opportunities, a hungrier one.

Hawks manager Ian Baird never saw the value in the reserve and youth teams, and it’s a fair appraisal. While I used to enjoy watching the football played by the youth side, their success was never the catalyst for the young players to step up to the senior team. There were mutterings, even when two successive generations of the youth squad swept the board of Hampshire FA league and cups, that the Hawks were merely breeding decent Wessex League players. It would certainly appear to have turned out that way, as a knock-on effect of the H&W streamlining has been a Diaspora that has centered on what is essentially Portsea Island’s second side.

The joint managers of that reserve/youth team, Alan Smith and Bobby De St. Croix, are also here who, along with Craig Stafford, are the latest in a long line of duo and trio managerial partnerships at the Moneys helm. Astutely the many gaffers also put leaders out on the field, wise old heads such as Miles and Guy Rutherford adding their experience to complement the exuberance of the H&’Dub nearly men such as the terrier-like Shaun Kerridge, who has the look of a bonsai John Terry. Moneyfields season is going fairly well, comfortably in mid-table, and with their current playing squad should improve as the season goes on.

Tonight’s opponents Andover are having an even better season, lying in 5th, 18 points behind leaders Winchester City but with 8 games in hand including this one, and so would have been looking to use tonight’s game to make up some ground on the rich bitches from the county capital.

It’s a case of Tuesday night and the gates are low here though, with only 43 littering the sidelines, Moneyfields' lowest of the season. Their average for this season is 96, but this figure is skewed slightly by their freakish record attendance of 250 against Fareham Town back in October. It is difficult for any club born within the chime of Pompey bells though, as football thinking in South East Hampshire does tend to gravitate towards Fratton Park, which lies just over a mile away from here.

The ground is not exactly ideally arranged to appeal to the casual supporter either, with their small stand jammed into a dank corner which affords better views of the trains that pass intermittently within yards of one of the goals than of the football. Furthermore this a young club, formed in 1987 as Portsmouth Civil Service reserves before moving to the Moneyfields Sports and Social Club in 1994 and taking its name. Representing a city is an easy catch-all but naming yourselves, essentially, after a road is certainly a more niche-market approach. Even so, some of tonight’s potential crowd, even those living in Moneyfields Avenue, may have considered staying in the warm for Chelsea v Liverpool on the box a better option. They were wrong to do so.

The game certainly sets off quickly out of the blocks with Moneyfields going one up after only 3 minutes, with a rebound from a saved shot allowing an inelegant scuff into the net. Just over 5 minutes later though Andover are level, the ball hit into the roof of the net from an absurdely acute angle on the left. The old H&W boys certainly get stuck into it, looking more toned and less gruesomely acned than I remember, and certainly committed in their tackling. As a result the remainder of the first half largely belongs to the home side but despite the penetrative moves forward their finishing is far from clinical, and they remain on level terms at the break.

However, in the second half, Andover come out determined to make a greater fist of it. In the 53rd minute, they have the ball in the net via a defender’s hand, only to notice that they will have to take a penalty rather than celebrate their goal. Thankfully, the trundling spot-kick goes between keeper’s hand and post to confirm their 2-1 advantage. 3 minutes later, they add a third, which finally galvanizes Moneyfields into action but the Lions defence stands firm. Taking a break from making dents in nearby brickwalls with their heads, the Moneys management make two changes, with former Hawk Glen Knight bringing his Lampard-like midfield presence back to the side after injury and Adbouis N’Doye making his way up front. However with Andover stretching the margin with a 4th goal in the 73rd minute, it appears too little too late.

With the scoreline rivaling imitation in the flattery stakes, the cry goes up “c’mon, let’s get our heads up” and within a minute, Moneys pull one back. Storming up on the flanks, a cross flicks off a defensive Andover head toward the net, and N’Doye slides in to make sure the keeper doesn’t complete a dramatic goal-line scoop. There seems some doubt as to whether the ball had already crossed, but there is no uncertainty a further minute later as 'Pabs' runs behind the defence to launch a sublime finish into the top corner, nor is there in the 79th minute as he hammers an breathtaking equalizer with his head.

The linesman has his take on the scenario, whispering “Hat-trick in 4½ minutes, if you’re interested” in my direction on noticing the intensity of my hackish scrawl. I’m more than happy to go along with that, as N’Doye was lively, quick and reinvigorated his demoralized teammates, not with empty words but with actions. In short, a thrilling virtuoso performance that single-handedly achieved an astonishing comeback.

One of Moneyfields’ more aged followers outlines his expectations for their weekend fixture with Bemerton Heath Harlequins, “9-5! Not this boring stuff”, he beams as he skips through the gate. Elsewhere Andover’s supporters are left to apply ointment to their eyes and grazed chins.

Links:
Andover website

Cardiff Grange Harlequins 0 Caersws 5

03dec05
Welsh Premier League
Leckwith Athletics Stadium, Cardiff
att. 175

Being that I hadn’t expected to be here until about 45 minutes prior to kick off, my pre-match research would have been delighted to have been described as sketchy. Subsequent awareness of the situation at Grange Harlequins means, however, that there is more to the day’s scoreline than perhaps meets the eye. Not that I was fully aware of today’s scoreline until I happened to catch S4C’s Saturday evening programme, in the native language, of the day’s League of Wales highlights, as my dash across town meant I missed 10 minutes of this game. Matching the score to the game was easy though, as Caersws were certainly worthy of such a comprehensive win, or rather Grange Harlequins looked every bit the haplessly thrashed.

However the Harlequins can perhaps be excused for such a lacklustre display as times have certainly been turbulent for chairman Daniel Pinches and those in involved with the club in the last 2 weeks, but it is a situation that has been building all season. Quins replaced the relegated Afan Lido in the Welsh Premier for this season despite only finishing second in the Welsh Football League Division One. Ton Pentre’s ground could not meet even the undemanding Welsh Premier standards, whereas Quins usage of the Cardiff Athletics Stadium at Leckwith gives them 2,500 seats which probably also makes them UEFA compliant. Mind you their ambitions for this season are probably a little less lofty after they lost out on a sponsorship deal just prior to the start of this debut Premier campaign. Former Welsh rugby international Martyn Madden had been set to plough £15,000 into the club but pulled out at the 11th hour, and they are now struggling to keep up contracted payments to the players.

The upshot of all this has been that within the week and a half prior to this game, 6 players including player-boss Paul Giles walked out on the club, with former assistant Mal Camilleri put in charge of what is left of the squad. Being only 4 points outside the relegation spots, it’s going to be a tough ask for Camilleri to keep them in the top flight. The club take great pride in being the only Cardiff representative in the Welsh Premier and the first since the merged UWIC/Inter Cardiff (who had some early LoW success as the sponsor-friendly Inter CableTel) side were relegated in 2001, but this of course means they have to work even harder than most in Welsh football to attract supporters as Cardiff City’s Ninian Park is quite literally just across the road.

The first thing witnessed when attempting to enter through the door beneath the stand pretty much sums up the Harlequins experience for the day. Not expecting any further spectators, but unwilling to give up his post until he is sure, the chap guarding the table which masquerades as the single necessary turnstile, is craning himself into an s-bend through the glass-door leading out to the track to watch the play. Receding back through the gap he exclaims “Bollocks, they’ve bloody scored…[on noticing his late customer]…oh hello”.

Getting yourself into an athletics stadium is a quick way to get yourself floodlit, but needless to say watching football in a facility not built for it is never ideal. Furthermore the action appears even further away here than I have come across at fellow track and field facilities at Grantham, Newport, Croydon, Barry, United Services Portsmouth and Connah’s Quay or even the stock-car track at Cowdenbeath. Mind you, the views of the play from the back of the stand are pretty good for all that and afford a handsome view of the Cardiff skyline. Indeed visitors, both traditionalists and modernists, getting misty-eyed for a proper footballing facility are catered for with the view of Ninian Park at close quarter, while the cantilever spikes of the Millennium Stadium jut like undernourished elbows above the city just further behind.



Indeed, they have added ‘Cardiff’ as a prefix for this season so as to allow for easier geographical positioning, which might mainly be for the benefit for the people of Cardiff themselves. Certainly addressing issues of identification with a club is a wise consideration with such a significant neighbour. Mind you big names have excelled here at Leckwith too. The honours board, positioned with apparent ceremony opposite the toilets, lists that among the stadium record holders are Messrs L. Christie, J. Baulch, D. Grant, S. Backley, R. Black and P. Elliot as well as Ms. T. Sanderson.

As I take up post, a Caersws shot whistles within a millimetre of the crossbar. It looks one-sided already and despite the odd break, it remains that way for the next 80 minutes. The Bluebirds cause continual problems on the flanks for Quins, particularly from set-pieces with goal-line clearances and stretching saves required to keep them at bay. The Quins do manage to get the ball into the back of the net however, in the 41st minute, but only as a resigned impulse with the ref having taking account of the goalkeeper’s personal space issues from the cross.

After this brief lull, Caersws begin the second half strongly, with Andrew Davies taking the lead to 3 in the 49th minute. It is a tremendous finish, as he calmly explores his options before lifting the dismissive curve of his shot out of range of all the milling defenders and the gloveman. Then straight from the restart they treat an offside trap with disdain, the striker’s daisycutter wheezing past the far post.



In a brief flurry of excitement for the home crowd, the Caersws keeper gets into a hell of mess taking too long dribbling back into his area, the pressure forcing him into jamming his hand down on the ball, although the referee shows only a lenient canary-hue. It ruffles Caersws not a jot as they stun the impact by delivering the ball straight back up for Ross Stephens to finish.

There is a ready wit about Caersws’ play, as they show spark and some quality passing but it is perhaps the tragic, but earnest, ineptness of the makeshift Quins that makes these traits more readily apparent. Davies completed his brace as, after a ball lofted in from the right draws a defender and the keeper’s idle gaze, the header back across invites an easy forehead tap-in.

Towards the end, as the floppy-legged, disheartened Harlequin defenders allow themselves to be caught in possession again, an exasperated supporter shouts aloud “It’s like the Alamo”. Should Quins now be overwhelmed this season, the Leckwith Stadium may well find itself standing as a shrine to their struggle, so we should hope, I guess, that their misery does not end up being exacerbated by Ozzy Osbourne drunkenly pissing up the side of it.

Links:
Caersws website

Caerau Ely P Troedyrhiw P

03dec05
Welsh Football League Division 2
Cwrt-yr-Ala, Ely, Cardiff

Those who make a habit of visiting football stadia often have a system, their own rules as to what ‘counts’. More pro sorts than me, particularly those pursuing the ‘92’ (not a priority for this hobo, although the Conference 66 is within reach as it happens), need to see a full 90 at a first-team fixture to ‘count’.

I am easier to please, as long as I can see inside the place, that will do for me. For example, I have stood outside 3 of the Prague clubs, Malmö FF and FC Kopenhagen, but the fact that I was able to steal inside and hover suspiciously around the corner-flag at Stadión Viktorky means Viktoria Zizkow can take their place in my anal-retentiveness betraying list on the right. (I should perhaps point out that a Zizkow game was not going on at the time – there are limits to my trespassing cheek).

As such a postponed fixture in the Macron Welsh League Division Two is not the disappointment it could be as Caerau Ely’s third tier status in Welsh football means only wide railings provide a barrier to a hippo-like roll about in the goalmouth. The committed streaker needs no audience.

So, as far as I’m concerned I’ve got what I came for, and besides the game probably wouldn’t have been a classic. That’s not a comment on the standard, more an acknowledgment that the facilities on offer for the goalkeepers suggest a dour midfield slog had been expected.